| | Sooo nothing much going on here, I suppose. Yesterday was blessedly quiet: John had the afternoon off so I was the only one in the office most of the day. I savored every minute of it, let me tell you, since I don't expect any such peace of mind again any time soon. I hate to keep obsessing over it, but despite my best efforts to keep it under wraps, my dismay and apprehension was poking out all over the place today. I mean, sure, maybe it won't be as bad as I'm making it out to be, right? Maybe I'll slip quietly back into a tolerable simmer and think that it's not so terrible after all - well, every other Friday, at least.
I spent today at the mall as a little treat, since I just paid off all my credit cards (huzzah) and am moderately solvent for the time being. I got a few basics I've had my eye out for, and a couple of nice tops that I didn't need in the least, but they were on sale and I like them. There's nothing more empowering than wearing a new outfit that you love and was 50% off. Well, it would be more empowering if I could wear heels, but that's a discussion for another day.
Emily and I have been looking at apartments lately. She's trying to decide where she wants to move after she graduates next year, and we had this strange and probably ludicrous idea that, primarily to save money, we'd get a place together. We're both fully aware that we'd absolutely slaughter each other within the first month over something trivial like the angle of an occasional chair or how long it takes for her to brush her teeth, but if nothing else it's fun to look and pretend that we'd get along like peas and carrots in a little fantasy world. Truth is, she wants to live in the city (whatever city that may be, although Boston has been our focus), and I hate the idea of living in the city. Any city, really.
We've found some gorgeous and really inexpensive places in Lowell, located in old millworks that have been renovated into trendy lofts and condos, and they're even not in a terrible part of town, but there's no getting past the fact that Lowell is...not the most attractive place to live. I mean, it's one of these old, small, New England cities that's trying hard to revitalize itself by doing stuff like renovating old mill buildings, but it's not quite there yet. I would much rather live in a small town, even in an apartment complex (sound familiar?) that offers some amenities, where I can look out my window and see trees and ponds and deer and roads with no lines on them. I get really itchy when I'm around throngs of people all the time. It's like you can never really completely switch off.
But her graduation is still a long way off, and it all depends on what kind of job she can land and where she'll have to be. And where I am, I guess, but that seems pretty fixed at the moment despite my best intentions. I'm still torn about the whole grad school thing, because it is a big investment, and as much as I crave the chance to do history again, I'm still not convinced it's an investment that will pay off in any immediate or measurable way. Sure, it'll make me happy in the short term, but let's face it: it's not going to help me get a job. And it looks like I'd be taking almost everything out as a loan. Which totally sucks. It's all so frustrating.
Anyway. I've had this discussion before, and I really just have to sit down and work out the numbers best I can, which is difficult because most of the aid out there is scholarships or work-study type jobs, and those are impossible to predict. Why couldn't I be interested in a discipline that other people think is worthwhile? I'd get so much more funding.
Tomorrow will be another exciting day of cleaning house and tidying up. I can't wait. I've been doing really well with keeping up with everything, but it's amazing how often some things need to get done. It just never ends.
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| | Posted 7/11/2009 11:09 PM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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